hormones

Let me tell you what you do on a Saturday night after work when you are a pregnant woman.... no not bar hopping or late night get togethers; you make a yummy dinner for yourself and fill up the tub for a hot bubble bath :)  I mean the in the dark with just candles kind of bath.  It was the most relaxing and peaceful time.  But sitting there in the tub admiring my much larger figure now a days it had me thinking about lots of things. I'm just going to blame my emotional self on the baby, but lately things are having so much impact, meaning, and sentiment.  

I just think back around this time 2 years ago, Justin and I had been married for a year and the discussion of a family became a topic.  That cute little house we bought hoping to start our little family seemed so great, I mean we even painted one of the guest rooms a perfect neutral cream--- I had my whole nursery planned.  We both decided that Christmas would be the time to start.  Then, I remember this time last year, how much heart break we had and how a new job and a new start for me would be great.  Now here I am  2 years after this all has started and we are no longer in the house I believed we would start our family in and I'm 20 weeks pregnant with 0ur sweet miracle .

Relaxing away, it made me think of close friends that I have who are still struggling with the battle.  It breaks my heart and I think about these girls quite often.  In all of my excitement they are always in my mind hoping they are not angry at my gift.  I wish so much that they could be experiencing the same things and we could talk on the phone about all the crazy things going on with our bodies.  But I guess because of all my trials and struggles I will truly rejoice in the gift God has given me and my husband.  I will always know that these aches and pains I feel is because of being pregnant, and that some other woman may not get to experience these things.  Stretch marks and c-section scars are true blessing and miracles of life that some women just wish they could have and experience.
Everyday I am pregnant Justin and I are truly blessed to have such a miracle.  All these quiet times will soon been filled with busy times of feedings and a crying baby, but I know they will all be a very special memory.  A great story to tell our child about the struggles of starting a family and the "fun times" with the first 6 months of life living in a 960sqft apartment.

So each night I pray for a healthy baby at its due date, and for my friends and their journey.  I know from experience that you may have a life plan, but God does too.  Trust me they are not the same and God's may not be how you planned, but its perfect.